*Laugh at this* :
An Indian Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in US so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100
A American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic...
*Lawyer* : "I have lost my sense of taste"
*Indian doctor* : "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth"
*Lawyer* : "Ugh..this is kerosene"
*Indian doctor* : "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20"
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money...
*Lawyer* : "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything"
*Indian doctor* : "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth"
*Lawyer (annoyed)* : "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste"
*Indian doctor* : "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20"
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
*Lawyer* : "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all "
*Indian doctor* : "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100"
*Lawyer (staring at the note)* : "But this is $20, not $100"
*Indian doctor* : "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
*You can't beat Indians* !!!!! ๐๐๐๐๐
Don't know who wrote this.. Hats off to him......
Mothers' Day Joke
There was this auntie, who suddenly started learning to swim instead of going for her usual dance routine every day.
Everyone was curious and asked her: "why the change of interest to swimming now?"
Auntie with a look of haplessness replied: "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrelled, she would always ask: "If your mom and I were to fall into the water, who would you save first?"
And because I do not want to put my son in a difficult position, I am learning to swim myself!"
Now not long after, husband and wife were quarrelling again, and the daughter-in-law again unreasonably asked:" now tell me! If your mom and I fall into the water, who would you save first?"
Husband replied: "I don't have to get down into the water, my mom can swim, she will save you."
Wife refused to relent: "No, you have to get into the water, no matter what"
Husband replied: "Then you will surely die, for I can't swim , and my mom will definitely save me first."
--> the power of a mother's love
Happy Mothers' Day.❤
*WEDDING STORY*
๐๐๐⚡⚡⚡
At a wedding ceremony the pastor asked if there was anyone who had any reason why the marriage shouldn't go on, it was time to stand up and speak, or forever hold his or her peace.
The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started slowly walking toward the pastor.
Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom's mother fainted. The groom was about to faint. The groomsmen started giving each other strange looks and wondering how best to help save the situation. The groom's father, though feeling sad, started checking out the beautiful girl. The bride's mother was fuming mad asking her thuggish looking husband to do something. It was chaos
The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"
The woman replied, "I can't hear from the back."
๐๐๐
*MORAL OF THE STORY*
Never jump to a conclusion without getting the full story!
ๅฅณๅญฉ้ฎ็ทๅ: ไธบไปไน่ฑๆ็ๆๅๆฏABCDEFG？
็ทๅๅ็ญ: ๅ ไธบ A Boy Can Do Everything For Girls!
ๅฅณๅญฉ้ๅธธๆๅจ，ๆฑบๅฎ่ฟไธ่พๅญ้่ฟไธช็ทๅญฉไธๅซ。
ไฝๆฏ....ๅฅนๅฟ่ฎฐไบ่ฑๆๆฅไธๆฅ็ๆๅๆฏHIJK。
He Is Just Kidding. ๐๐๐
Happy Valentine's Day!! ๐น
WHAT IS VALENTINE'S DAY?
๐น๐น
If you marry the right person, everyday is Valentine's Day. Marry the wrong person, everyday is Ching Ming's Day. Marry a lazy guy, everyday is Labour Day. Marry a rich fellow, everyday is Chinese New Year. You marry a childish guy, everyday would seem like Children's Day. Marry a cheater or liar, everyday will become April Fool's Day. Don't get married, everyday is Independance Day๐๐
๐ฉ❤️๐ฉ๐ฉ❤️๐ฉ๐ฉ❤️๐ฉ
*Pre-Valentine jokes*
WHY DO Married COUPLES FIGHT ? ? ?
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started....
***************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started....
***************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.
So I took her to a petrol pump
And then the fight started....
***************************
My wife was standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, 'I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment."
I replied, "Your eyesight is perfect."
And then the fight started....
***************************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I've not been in a long time."
So I took her to my parents' house.
And then the fight started....
***************************
Dedicated to all married couples. But don't send to all.
I sent it to my friend. He sent it to his wife and then the fight started. ๐๐๐
*DC* ๐
Early morning husband woke up and ask his wife: "Would you like to join me for jogging?"
Wife: "Ohh. So you mean to say I am fat?"
Hubby: "No. Jogging is good for health."
Wife: "Oh.. that means I am sick."
Hubby: "No No. If you don't want to get up, then it's OK."
Wife: "So now you think I am lazy, ha?"
Hubby: "NO. You are misunderstanding me. I didn't mean..."
Wife: "Aha! So I don't understand you because I'm an illiterate, right?"
Hubby: "Now look I didn't say that."
Wife: "So am I lying? "
Hubby: I beg you plz don't stretch it in the morning."
Wife: "Oh, now so I am a quarrelsome nag, am I?
HUBBY: "OK OK.. You go off to sleep. I am going jogging alone.. Happy Now??"
Wife: "You always go alone everywhere and enjoy yourself."
Hubby: "Plz Plz.. I am feeling giddy now.."
Wife: "See? You are so selfish. Always think of yourself alone. You never think of my health."
Husband is sitting and thinking where he went wrong!!!
*Dedicated to All Married Pitiful men...* ๐
Happy to all!!!
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic, fell into a river, all aboard died.
Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks!!!
When asked whether did he miss his wife so much? ... He replied miserably: No. My wife missed the bus!!!
๐๐๐๐⛄๐
In heaven God told all husbands & wives to gather for a meeting.
He told the men to stand in two queues...
those who are controlled by their wives & those who control their wives!
Only 1 man stood in the second queue...
God said: "So you control your wife?"
Man: No! My wife told me to stand here"
๐๐๐... ๐๐๐
A Junior in office dialled his boss's extension by mistake & said: Hey, send a coffee to my cabin in 2 min ☕.
Boss shouted: Do u know whom u r talking to? ๐ก
Jr: No!
Boss: I'm the BOSS๐บ
Jr (in same tone): Do u know whom u r talking to?
Boss: No!
Jr: THANK GOD
(& disconnected)
๐๐๐
KEEP LAUGHING!
A Chinese man married an African woman and had a child. Two months later the child passed away. At the funeral house, the African woman kept sobbing and saying: "I KNEW IT!!
I KNEW IT!!"
A family member pulled her aside and asked:
"What did you know?"
She replied: "That Chinese products don't last long!!"
Don't laugh alone, share with others ๐๐๐๐
A plane did an emergency landing on the water. The stewardess wanna let the passengers slide down to the lifeboats but the passengers refused.
The stewardess seek help from the captain The very knowledgeable captain said..
'You tell the Americans this is an ADVENTURE.
tell the British this is an HONOUR,
tell the French this is ROMANTIC,
tell the Germans this is the LAW.
tell the Japanese this is an ORDER, and all shall be sorted out.'
The stewardess asked awkwardly,
'then how about the CHINESE?'
The captain laughed.
'Easy, just tell them it is FREE.'
The stewardess suddenly recalled.
'There are a few SINGAPOREANS!'
The captain patiently explained,
'You need not tell SINGAPOREANS anything, they will follow wherever there is a Queue.'
๐๐
Hilarious.
What is the Difference between Wife & Girlfriend
Great Thought in Modified Version-
Wife is like a TV &
Girlfriend is like a MOBILE.
At home u watch TV, but when u go out u take ur MOBILE.
Sometimes u enjoy TV, but most of the time u play with ur MOBILE.
TV is free for life,
but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.
TV is big, bulky & most of the time old.!
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy & very portable.
Operational costs for TV is often acceptable, but for the MOBILE it is often high & demanding.
TV has a remote, MOBILE doesn't.
Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk & listen) but
with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not)๐
Last but not least..!
TVs don't have viruses, but MOBILEs often do...
Take Care.
Issued in Public interest!๐
THE GOLF BALL AND THE SAND WEDGE
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her
husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home
unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet.
Then the woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the
littl e boy is in there already.
The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have a golf ball.'
Man - 'That's nice.'
Boy - 'Want to buy it?'
Man - 'No, thanks.'
Boy - 'My dad's outside.'
Man - 'OK, how much?'
Boy - '£250'
A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy
and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - 'Dark in here.'
Man - 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have sand wedge.'
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'
Boy - '£750'
Man - 'Sold..'
A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy,
'Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let's go outside
and have some short game practice. The boy says,
'I can't, I sold my ball and sand wedge dad.'
The father says, 'What?! How much did you sell them for?'
Boy - '£1,000.'
The father says, 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends
like that. That is far more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.'
They go to the church and the father makes the little
boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that crap with me again.
You're in my closet.
*Golden Words By A Wise Man*
1. "If you want to change the world, do it when you are a *BACHELOR MAN*. After marriage, you *can't even change a TV channel*"
2. "Listening to wife is like reading the terms and conditions of website. *YOU UNDERSTAND NOTHING, STILL YOU AGREED*..."
3. "Chess is the only game in the world, which reflects the status of the husband. *The poor King* can take only one step at a time...While the *Mighty Queen* can do whatever she likes."
4. "All men are brave. Horror movies don't scare them...But *5 missed calls from wife...surely dead*..."
Send this to all men who can smile after reading this...& to all ladies who can *LOL* after reading it
*For good laugh* ...
๐๐๐
Last night i started to drive Grab. Pick up three drunk passengers from a Pub.
I knew they were drunk so I started the engine n turned it off again.
Then said. "We have reached your destination".
The first guy gave me money.
The second guy said "Thank You".
The third guy slap me on my shoulder.
I was shocked thinking the third guy knew what i did.
So i asked "What was that for".
The third guy replied "Control your speed next time. You nearly kill us".
A plane did an emergency landing on the water. The stewardess wanna let the passengers slide down to the lifeboats but the passengers refused.
The stewardess seek help from the captain The very knowledgeable captain said..
'You tell the Americans this is an ADVENTURE.
tell the British this is an HONOUR,
tell the French this is ROMANTIC,
tell the Germans this is the LAW.
tell the Japanese this is an ORDER, and all shall be sorted out.'
The stewardess asked awkwardly,
'then how about the CHINESE?'
The captain laughed.
'Easy, just tell them it is FREE.'
The stewardess suddenly recalled.
'There are a few SINGAPOREANS!'
The captain patiently explained,
'You need not tell SINGAPOREANS anything, they will follow wherever there is a Queue.'
*Golden Words By A Wise Man*
1. "If you want to change the world, do it when you are a *BACHELOR MAN*. After marriage, you *can't even change a TV channel*"
2. "Listening to wife is like reading the terms and conditions of website. *YOU UNDERSTAND NOTHING, STILL YOU AGREED*..."
3. "Chess is the only game in the world, which reflects the status of the husband. *The poor King* can take only one step at a time...While the *Mighty Queen* can do whatever she likes."
4. "All men are brave. Horror movies don't scare them...But *5 missed calls from wife...surely dead*..."
Send this to all men who can smile after reading this...& to all ladies who can *LOL* after reading it
*For good laugh* ...
๐๐๐
When Chinese Have English Names ...
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!
Operator: you are talking to someone? Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this Urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) has been involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got Injured and now Noel Wan (no one) has been sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look! If no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee (sorry).
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!! ๐ญ๐๐๐๐
Happy to all!!!
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic, fell into a river, all aboard died.
Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks!!!
When asked whether did he miss his wife so much? ... He replied miserably: No. My wife missed the bus!!!
๐๐๐๐⛄๐
In heaven God told all husbands & wives to gather for a meeting.
He told the men to stand in two queues...
those who are controlled by their wives & those who control their wives!
Only 1 man stood in the second queue...
God said: "So you control your wife?"
Man: No! My wife told me to stand here"
๐๐๐... ๐๐๐
A Junior in office dialled his boss's extension by mistake & said: Hey, send a coffee to my cabin in 2 min ☕.
Boss shouted: Do u know whom u r talking to? ๐ก
Jr: No!
Boss: I'm the BOSS๐บ
Jr (in same tone): Do u know whom u r talking to?
Boss: No!
Jr: THANK GOD
(& disconnected)
๐๐๐
KEEP LAUGHING!
A Chinese man married an African woman and had a child. Two months later the child passed away. At the funeral house, the African woman kept sobbing and saying: "I KNEW IT!!
I KNEW IT!!"
A family member pulled her aside and asked:
"What did you know?"
She replied: "That Chinese products don't last long!!"
Don't laugh alone, share with others ๐๐๐๐
LTA wanted to buy new trains. They went to China to source thinking they should be cheaper there. They found one n ask the manufacturer, 'What would happen if
the trains are faulty?'
The manufacturer quietly pointed to the only sign in English that read,
'GUARANTEE NO SPOIL'.
Feeling assured, they bought the trains. Now the trains gv problem. LTA quickly returned to the manufacturer and asked for a refund or an exchange. When the manufacturer refused to give either, LTA pointed to the sign assuring a guarantee.
The manufacturer then said, 'Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left.
PASSWORD PROBLEMS:
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one uppercase character.
USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one uppercase character consecutively.
USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: IWillHuntYouDown50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
๐๐๐
An Indian Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic...
Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Indian: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."
Lawyer: "Ugh... this is kerosene."
Indian: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money...
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."
Indian: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."
Indian: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."
Indian: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."
Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"
Indian: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
You can't beat Indians!!
๐๐๐๐๐๐
The best joke ever๐
Here's a joke to cheer us up. Just for laugh ;)
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich bird behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again.
'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
Says the man, "Well, several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
The first wish I asked was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
The waitress said "That's brilliant! Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live. How smart of you!''
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there" says the man proudly.
The waitress asks, "But, what's that ostrich all about?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers with a heavy heart, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who accompanies me wherever I go and agrees with everything I say".
MORAL OF THE STORY: Men's brains work brilliant until they start thinking about a woman!!
The love story of Kamlesh and Kavita.
Kamlesh and Kavita were both patients in a mental hospital..
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Kamlesh suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Kavita promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Kavita's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Kavita the news she said: 'Kavita, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.
I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that Kamlesh hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Kavita replied (you'll love this) .
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry'
Head Nurse is still recovering!!!
๐๐
During one of his campaign trips Donald Trump is visiting an elementary school and goes into one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asks Mr. Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word “Tragedy.” So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and offers: “If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” says Mr. Trump, “that would be an accident.”
A little girl raises her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” explains the exalted businessman. “That’s what we would call a great loss.”
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Mr. Trump searches the room.
“Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally at the back of the room, a boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: “If a private jet carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.”
“Fantastic!” exclaims Mr. Trump, “That’s absolutely right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”J
Yesterday I went to buy joss sticks and joss paper to pray for my ancestors.
The towkay (boss) asked me if I want to buy paper iphone to burn for my ancestors.
I said they know how to use or not?
He said Steve Jobs already there can tech them to use.
I said ok loh.
He asked if I want to buy casing?
I also said ok.
Next he asked me if I wanted Bluetooth?
I said might as well loh.
What about charger?
I said need charger meh?
He said of course lah, after battery no power how?
So I bought the charger also.
Then I asked for his name card.
He said why you need my name card?
I said I burn for my ancestors. For warranty claim, they contact you directly
Peter & Nora on watsapp :
Peter : Hi dear.
Nora : ✋
Peter : how are you .??
Nora : ๐๐
Peter : missing me..?
Nora : ๐๐
Peter : I'm not feeling well...
Nora : ๐ฑ
Peter : How was your day..???
Nora : ๐
Peter : are you busy.??
Nora : ✔
Peter : Why ?? What are you doing ??
Nora: ๐๐
Peter : is there anyone near you..??
Nora : ❌
Peter : why don't you reply in words? Why are you using smiley faces?
Nora :- ๐ฅ๐ก
Peter : I heard you failed in English ??
Nora: Who telled you ? It is unpossible.. I went to saw the resalt yestathey... I Passed away
Peter : hmmm lets go back to smileys pls ๐ณ๐ณ๐ณ
Nora:- ok dear, God blast you.
A Corporate Story:
Every day, a small ๐ Ant arrives at work very early and starts work immediately.
๐ She produces a lot and she was happy.
The Chief, ๐ฏ a Tiger, was surprised to see that ๐ the Ant was working without supervision.
๐ฏ He thought if the ๐ Ant can produce so much without supervision, wouldn’t she produce even more if she had a supervisor!
So ๐ฏ he recruited a ๐ Bee who had extensive experience as ๐ท supervisor and who was famous for ๐ writing excellent reports.
The ๐ Bee’s first decision was to set up a ๐ clocking in attendance system.
๐ He also needed a secretary to help him write and type his reports and he recruited a ๐Rabbit , who managed the archives and monitored ☎ all phone calls.
๐ฏ The Tiger was delighted with the ๐ Bee's reports and asked him to produce ๐ graphs to describe production rates and to analyse ๐ trends, so that he could use them for ๐ presentations at Board‘s meetings.
So the ๐ Bee had to buy a ๐ป new computer and a Laser printer and recruited a ๐ Cat to manage the ๐ IT department.
The๐ Ant, who had once been so productive and relaxed, hated this new plethora of paperwork and meetings which used up most of her time…!
๐ฏ The Tiger came to the conclusion that it was high time to nominate a person in charge of the department where the ๐ Ant worked.
The position was given to the ๐ Monkey, whose first decision was to buy an Air Conditioner and an ergonomic ๐บ chair for his office.
The new person in charge, ๐ the Monkey, also needed a ๐ป computer and a personal assistant , who he brought from his previous department, to help him prepare a ๐ Work and ๐ 'Budget Control Strategic Optimisation Plan' …
The Department where the ๐ Ant works is now a sad place, where nobody laughs anymore and everybody has become upset...
It was at that time that the ๐ Bee convinced the boss, ๐ฏ the Tiger; of the absolute necessity to start a climatic study of the environment .
Having reviewed the charges for running the ๐ Ant’s department , the ๐ฏ Tiger found out that the Production was much less than before.
So he recruited the ๐ค Owl, a prestigious and renowned consultant to carry out an audit and suggest solutions.
๐ค The Owl spent three months in the department and came up with an enormous report, in several volumes, that concluded...
.
.
.
.
“ The Department is overstaffed ...”
.
.
.
.
Guess who the ๐ฏ Tiger fires first?
.
.
.
.
.
Of course, ๐ the Ant.........,
"....because she showed lack of motivation and had a negative attitude. "
***********
"The Characters in this fable are fictitious; any resemblance to real people or facts within the Corporation is pure coincidence only…"
Two well dressed lawyers went to an expensive restaurant...
Ordered 2 drinks and then got sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat them... Waitress: Sorry Sir !!! But you can't eat your OWN food here... Its against the rules ...
The lawyers quietly looked at each other and EXCHANGED their sandwiches & continued their meals !!!
( You can trust lawyers to find loopholes in any rules).
Just for laugh;
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway to Putrajaya.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Najib, Zahid, the IGP and AG, and they're asking for a $100 billion dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire.
We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."
The Interview Start...
>> MP&HR Officer <<
........................................
HR : what is your name?
Mike : MP sir
HR : In full please...
Mike : Michael Phang
HR : your father's name?
Mike : MP sir
HR : what does that mean?
Mike : Melvin Phang
HR : your native place?
Mike : MP sir
HR : what's that?
Mike : Malacca Province
HR : what is your qualification?
Mike : MP
HR : (angry) what is thaat?!!!
Mike : Mathematics Professor
HR : so why do you need a job?
Mike : it is because of MP sir
HR : meaning?
Mike : Money Problems
HR : would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like?
Mike : MP sir..
HR : and what is that??
Mike : Marvelous Personality
HR : I see... I will get back to you..
Mike : sir, how was my MP sir?
HR : and what's that again?
Mike : My Performance..
HR : I think u hv an MP..
Mike : meaning??
HR : Mental Problem!!!
๐Don't laugh alone...
Send to friends...๐ญ๐ฌ
4 friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at reunion.....
One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how
successful their sons became.
No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker & is so rich he gave his best friend a ferrari.
No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline, became so rich he gave his best friend a jet.
No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development company, became so rich he build his best friend a castle.
No 4. came back with a plate full of food & asked what the buzz is about.
They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became & asked her about her son.
She said her son is gay & he works in a Gay Bar.
The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful.
"Oh no !!" said the Lady, "He is doing good."
"Last week on his birthday he got a ferrari, a jet and a castle from
3 of his boyfriends...!!! " .
All the 3 Ladies fainted ....
๐๐๐๐
( This joke won an award for the Best Joke in a competition held in Britain.)
The Power Of Praise & Worship and The Real Estate In Singapore
Presented to you by Property Smart Investor- A Real Estate Online Education and Discussion
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